From the time that you were a little girl playing with your baby dolls, you have dreamed of being a mother. Yet here you are in your 20’s or 30’s, still single, and still with the same desire to nurture a tiny human. What is a girl to do with that desire? 

Society prepares us from the time we enter kindergarten to when we graduate college for almost the sole purpose of getting a job upon graduation. Yet what no one ever really talks about or teaches is how to set up a young woman for success as a mother someday. Though being a parent is a role best learned by being thrown into the fire and having kids, if you are single, you have a unique opportunity in a stage of life with the most free time that you will ever have to dedicate your time wisely in preparation of being a good mom someday. Even though being a mom is something you may desire but isn’t a reality now, there are several ways that you focus on trying to prepare yourself to be a good mom in the future!

LEARN BASIC HOMEMAKING SKILLS 

One of the best things that you can do to prepare to be a mom someday is to learn basic homemaking skills.  I have been guilty in the past of not prioritizing cooking, making the excuse that it’s too hard to cook for one person. However, I’ve realized that now is the time to experiment with new recipes or learn skills such as cooking a whole chicken for the first time or mastering basic knife skills. The upside is that even if the end product is a disaster, I don’t have the consequence of ruining my entire family’s dinner! I’ve started learning more about different foods and their nutritional value and have gotten in the habit of reading nutrition labels and choosing clean and whole foods. Instead of always suggesting going out to a restaurant with friends, I’ve started inviting friends over and making dinner for them, which is great practice making food for more than one person! In learning basic cooking skills now, you will bless not only your future kids one day but also your husband. Additionally, you will be setting a precedent of health in your family by prioritizing putting a home cooked meal on the table vs. getting takeout. In the future, you’ll be glad you have a go-to recipe that is tasty and can be prepared in 20 minutes when you have a hungry toddler begging you for food!

Another essential homemaking skill is making your house your home. Historically this has also been something I have not prioritized in my early twenties. However, it’s better late than never to start ensuring that your current living space is clean and organized. There are also several habits that I’ve started getting into, such as making my bed every morning, wiping down the counters daily, avoiding letting loads of laundry pile up for days (of which I can still be guilty), etc. And the fun part has been finding out my interior decorating style and preparing my home as a cozy and welcoming place for visitors. If it’s difficult now to take care of your home while single, it will be a hard adjustment in the future with three kids running around! 

Finally, you can learn how to budget. While not easy or fun, budgeting as a single woman is a good way to practice discipline so that you are already used to living within your means when you have a family (even though adjustments will be needed when you have a child). It has been helpful for me to track where I am spending the most money and make sure that I am saving enough each month. It’s pretty easy to live fairly well when you are single and have a good job since you don’t have to take care of anyone else besides yourself. However, saving money now is a great way to prepare for the future when money might be tighter after buying a new home or having a new baby. 

FIND WAYS TO FOSTER YOUR NURTURING SIDE 

As women we were created to take care of others; we are naturally more nurturing than men because God designed us to be the primary caregivers for children. Even if you don’t have children, you can channel your desire to take care of someone in other ways. That could look like getting a dog, volunteering with kids at your church, serving at a nursing home, or babysitting. A great way to bless a mom in your life is to offer to babysit her kids so that she and her husband can have a date night. Not only will you bless your friend with some much-needed alone time, but you will also gain some good babysitting skills along the way. 

PRACTICE BEING MORE SELF-SACRIFICIAL AND RESPONSIBLE 

Not being married, my time is my own. Besides my job, and serving at my church, I don’t have any other major responsibilities. When I get off work, I have the freedom to go work out or hang out with friends vs. going home to take care of a family. This is something I am grateful for and don’t take for granted. However, sometimes I find myself craving more responsibility.

Culturally, young people are taking longer to “adult” than our parents and grandparents did. According to a Pew Research Center study, many young adults are falling behind their peers of just 40 years ago on the major milestones of getting their first job, marriage, and having their first kid.  According to the study, only 22% of 25-year-olds were married in 2021, compared with 63% in 1980; furthermore, 17% of 25-year-olds in 2021 had a child, compared with 39% in 1980. These stats reflect the growing trend of young people potentially delaying taking on responsibility and “adulting.” Even though there are many who do deeply desire to get married and start a family, but nothing has worked out, I’ve observed many of my peers in their late 20’s and 30’s who seem to prioritize other things such as their career, traveling, or dating casually over finding a spouse and starting a family. I believe many are reluctant to give up their freedom or potentially their careers if they settle down, which could be a result of society telling us that the family unit isn’t that important. Many of us have become accustomed to doing things our own way on our own time and prioritizing “self-love” over self-sacrifice. 

However, having a husband and kids is hard work and requires daily laying down your life in service of your family. I’ve realized that the earlier that I can start practicing being unselfish, the easier the transition will be when I have kids that demand most of my time. While I’m not advocating to not have fun while you’re single and make the most of your freedom, I’ve realized that conditioning myself to be more self-sacrificial in small ways could pay big dividends later. 

For example, this could look like setting more boundaries when it comes to your time and exercising saying “no.”

Instead of saying yes to every event that you get invited to, you can practice saying no so that you can go to bed early or spend one-on-one time with a good friend. You can also evaluate your friendships and determine who you actually get life from spending time with. I’ve realized that I don’t want to get in the habit of getting burned out now as a single woman and carrying that habit into motherhood. Additionally, you can dedicate time to serve those around you. Instead of going home to watch Netflix after work, you could go volunteer at a homeless shelter or lead a Bible study for younger girls. When you practice putting others’ needs and wants before your own and instead focus on being a blessing to other people, you find that you start focusing on yourself less. Having children requires putting a lot of time and effort into caring for them, often at the expense of your own needs!

LEARN ABOUT SCHOOLING OPTIONS 

Another big way to prepare to be a mother is to start doing research and forming opinions about how you want to raise your kids, a big part of which is where to send them to school. Before you have your first baby, you can think through whether you would want to continue working after maternity leave. Would you put them in daycare or have your mom or a nanny watch them? Would you work part-term? Or would you fully commit to being a stay-at-home mom? Do research on attachment styles in children and learn about the importance of staying home with your babies since mothers are so crucial to a child’s emotional and physical health. If you’re seriously dating someone, you can start having the conversations now with your boyfriend about what would be best for your future family. You can do research on the pros and cons of public and private school as well as homeschooling. Talk to your friends who are parents and see what has worked and not worked for their kids when it comes to schooling. Even though I don’t have kids now, I’m interested in learning and researching what would be the best options for my future kids so that I can have an informed conversation with my spouse about what would work for our family.

KNOW YOUR BODY 

A very important way to prepare to become a mother is to start preparing your body now for pregnancy. While that might sound unnecessary if you’re not even trying to get pregnant, you can start learning about your body now so that when you are trying to get pregnant, you are the healthiest version of yourself. I’ve recently started learning more about my cycle and started tracking it. I use several methods, including the 28 app as well as an Oura ring. I have become much more attuned to my body and how I am feeling in different parts of my cycle, which will very much come in handy when I am trying to get pregnant someday.  

It’s also essential that you are getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, eating nutritious foods, and eliminating as many toxins and endocrine disruptors as possible. I used to not prioritize getting at least 7 hours of sleep, eliminating processed foods, and exercising regularly. However, now that I’ve prioritized eating and sleeping well, as well as finding an exercise routine that works for me, it’s amazing how more energized I feel and how little I get sick! All of these things might seem inconsequential to prioritize now when you’re young and single, but they are small ways to keep you healthy and preserve your fertility.

In conclusion, your single years are a unique time to continue growing as a young woman in your career, relationships, and character. Though it’s a privilege to enjoy your singleness while it lasts, I would encourage you to take preparing for motherhood as seriously as you would preparing for a job interview. It’ll be worth it!